I don't know about you, but I truly thought things got easier as your kids could walk, talk, and become more independent. Boy was I completely wrong. Life was so easy when all they did was sleep, eat, and need their diaper changed. There are days when I would absolutely go back to that time if I could. How about you?
Having three kids in three and a half years was a lot and I never thought I would survive some days/nights (although I was lucky my kids slept pretty well). I really thought that if I could survive the early years I could handle anything. Then, one beautiful spring evening last year around 5 pm my eldest was riding his bike with a neighborhood friend and decided to be a typical boy and ride down a hill with no hands or helmet even though I had told him a million times to wear a helmut. I got the call I had never thought I'd get...my ex-husband was on the other end of the phone and was in the ambulance with my son who was in and out of consciousness. What?! Is this really happening?! I ran out of the restaurant I was in and somehow ended up behind the ambulance the rest of the way to the hospital.
Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to see. There he was, on the gurney with nurses and physicians surrounding him and blood everywhere. I was in shock and just stood there frozen. I couldn't do anything for my baby, my first born, the love of my life for the past twelve years. It truly was the worst day of my life! It was such an interesting time. I was approaching the one year anniversary of my divorce yet I was sitting with my ex as we were both praying that he would pull through this. This was the first time in a long time that we both wanted the same thing at the same time. No one knew for sure what was going to happen to him. He had so much swelling in his brain and had a type of closed head fracture that typically didn't have good results in the end.
Fast forward fifteen hours later and he became lucid. It was such a great sign that the swelling was going down. At this point, he was only waking for a couple minutes at a time but this was such good news. He continued to improve and was discharged from the PICU a couple days later. What we hadn't expected is that he had lost his hearing on his left side which was where the fracture was.
Honestly, I was beyond thrilled that this was all we had to deal with; especially with what the options could have been. Now, ten months later and we are heading into surgery with the hope that the surgeon will be able to repair his hearing. My glass half empty and very nervous son was convinced it wouldn't work; but had decided he was going to do his best to stay positive. All was going incredibly well until we got an update from the surgeon that his ear was much worse inside that expected and the surgery was going to take another hour and that this surgery was just going to be a salvage surgery with him needing a second surgery to repair the hearing. As deflated as felt, I still couldn't help think that I was just glad he was here and this was still all we were dealing with.
The ironic thing is that we found out the extensive damage wasn't solely due to his original accident but the accident helped us to find this problem, which we still may not have found for quite some time, and would have caused even more issues. It sure is interesting how life works.
So, I have completely succumb to the fact that being a mom is the best thing I have ever done three times over, but it definitely doesn't get easier. In fact, the older they get the bigger the worries can become and no matter how much you try and protect your kids we just can't be there every second of every day. My words of advice are to be there for your kids, teach them right from wrong, and just try to breathe because with every passing day motherhood is challenging BUT so extremely rewarding. There's nothing like it in this world and it never gets easier!