It's been just about a year since my divorce. I have never mentioned it because it's a personal matter and I like to keep somewhat personal. I did want to share that it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and definitely threw me for a loop. And if I were to be completely honest, I'm still healing and that's not a bad thing. I realize for me that my healing comes in waves and that's okay. The important thing is to know what to do when the wave hits from time to time, because it hits all of us...it's just part of the process. My advice is to stay strong, be unstoppable, and take advice from no one. It has taken me a while to learn to choose happiness and peace and be grateful for what I have today.
My first and only concern in the beginning was my children but then I realized that if I wasn't in a healthy place, I couldn't support them with what they were feeling. Once I switched and put me first and then my children everything started to align much better. With the support of an incredible therapist and a couple of close friends (you really learn who those are in challenging times) I felt like I was getting stronger and more confident by the day. After a long and hard year with lots of tears and frustration, my children are thriving. Now don't get me wrong, we still have good days, bad days, and extremely difficult days but doesn't everyone? Right?!
So, the photo is of me and the kids last year taking our first post divorce "family" vacation. It was hard because it is the place we ended each summer for the past 11 years but in the spirit of trying to turn lemons into lemonade, we went and it was very liberating. There was a sense of "you won't be able to do this" in the air and I was determined not to let that rule what I did or to let my kids down. I really feel that this was a huge turning point for me and the kids. We were really going to be just fine and in fact GREAT!
Over the next several months I have learned to co-parent and my kids have learned how to adjust to their new family life. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely turn into mamma bear when anything or anyone does anything to hurt my kids feelings. I never want them to feel that they are not the most important people in our lives.
I write this to share that divorce doesn't have to be full of anger and even though I still don't always agree with certain things happening in "our world", I believe that we are still a family and that families come in all shapes, sizes, and dynamics. All that is important is that there is love and respect and you model for your children how to act in difficult situations. Just because life isn't always easy doesn't mean that it's not worth making the most of it. Everyone has challenges and this is just one of mine that has made all of us stronger.